I know my calling

After years of struggling with what I am meant to do I think I’ve finally figured it out. I’ve always wanted to share my story through public speaking and writing. I’ve known I was born to write since I was asked to write my own book in 1st grade at age 7.  And lets face it, I have indeed been through Hell in back. I’ve actually been told by many that my family can’t seem to catch a break but still we remain faithful to God. I know I have a story to tell but don’t know where to start.

I asked my pastor at church if I could speak in front of the congregation of my church but to be honest that terrifies me. I am a complete wreck by simply singing in front of the church. I church I’ve gone to since I was young and in front of people who have known me sense I was in my mother’s stomach.

Sometimes I think of Moses and the parallels we carry. He had a stutter and also feared speaking in public but God sent him his brother-in-law Aaron st speak for him. However I highly doubt will send someone for me. I carry too much emotion. Who could accurately tell my story? Express my pain and emotion?

Besides I don’t know where to begin. How does one even start public speaking? Do I randomly go to churches who have no idea about me or my motives and request for them to blindly give me chance? If I ran a church I would do no such thing.

I always thought I would live a quiet life. With no troubles. Fall in love, marry young, and have children. Instead I often feel isolation and loneliness and a calling from God that scares me senseless. So where do I start? And advice, ideas? Because I am completely clueless and lost.

I now know what to do with my life but no opportunities to start. I am blindly following God and waiting for his instructions but what until then? Mooch off my parents when they simply afford it? Continue to sit at home waiting for my life to start? How can anyone live that way? I don’t know how much longer I can but still I carry on, full of hope.




About railynnt

This is my blog, a place where I can share my writing and journey through recovery, mental illness, and life.
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3 Responses to I know my calling

  1. I would recommend this documentary called Mortified Nation. It’s available on Netflix. It might give you ideas on how to start. It really made me think about journaling and helped me think about not being so scared to share my stories. I think you would like it!!! 🙂


  2. That’s a question for the ages,why are we here?

    The good news is that you ve identified your calling and know which direction to head towards.What I personally found out was to trust God to create the “opportunities” easier said than done but it works everytime.

    Rightly you ve talked about Moses,trust God for your Aarron which he will provide at the right time.
    In the meantime listen to your spirit and it will lead and guide you to the right steps and help you in making right choices

    Stay blessed


  3. Carrie Bush says:

    You might look into Toast Masters. They help people build skills for public speaking. I know Chris Foreman has done it for years. I don’t know if there’s a cost or not…


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