I Have Hope

Lately my body has not been cooperating with my mind. Everyday without fail for the last few weeks I have woken up at 6:30Am and today was no exception. Something you people probably don’t know is that once I wake up I’m alert. There is no lying in bed for a few extra minutes to slowly wake up. Instead It’s as if there is a switch in my brain that goes from asleep to awake. So I decided to attend my first Toast Masters meeting.

In my opinion it’s a fairly silly name especially for a group that helps you practice and perfect public speaking and giving speeches but over all I enjoyed it. Which might I remind everyone that it’s a huge deal that I even went considering how horrible my anxiety can be when it comes to trying to new things.

It’s not that I don’t like or want to try new things it’s simply that I can’t. The fear of being rejected or most importantly not being perfect at whatever I’m trying the first time around makes my whole body tense up and freeze. Yet I managed to pull myself out of bed, get dressed, and drive to the local coffee shop where the club meeting is held.

And I was pleasantly surprised. Although it was almost painfully obvious that I was the youngest person there I find that I often prefer people who are seniors to me rather than the angst of young adults my own age.

Now it’s just the process of scrapping together enough money to actually join the club because I really, truly enjoyed it. The best part was going around and everyone giving 1-2 minute speeches based off of a series of prompts on index cards. And at the end of the hour long meeting we voted on who did the best speeches and guess who was pleasantly surprised to be voted the best?

Although my anxiety and depression have been rearing it’s ugly head lately I think getting out of my house more than once a week will improve the emptiness I’ve been feeling lately. If anything it’s giving me hope that I can learn to speak in front of others maybe even sing without being a complete mess and share my story.




About railynnt

This is my blog, a place where I can share my writing and journey through recovery, mental illness, and life.
This entry was posted in Uncategorized and tagged , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

One Response to I Have Hope

  1. sherryirvin says:

    That is awesome that your doing things to get out more. Keep going you have more strength than you realize.


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s