I haven’t been sleeping. On average I’m getting about 3-4 hours to sleep a night. Which leaves a lot of extra time for thinking and I’ve realized some things. I am not physically fit, I am the first to admit that however according to my doctors, nutritionist, and more importantly according to me I am healthy. But I would like to exercise more simply for the endorphin’s that are released when you do so. It lifts your mood and can really help with depression which is something I’ve always struggled with.
I also want to be able to do things I haven’t been able to do in years. In October I went to Fright Fest and attempted to go on one ride but was too big to do so. Needless to say I was mortified and bit my tongue until it bled to keep from crying. I want to be able to go to theme parks, I want to be able to walk 2 miles, (I can only walk 1) with my best friend and her dog. I want to be able walk through the whole mall with my friends without getting out of breath. I want to be physically fit.
One thing I am proud of? I have no problem being in a bathing suit. If I do say so myself I look hot when I wear one! Maybe that’s why I love summer so much and swimming? You would think with my self-esteem I would hate it but I love it! But I do want to change but in a fun way.
I don’t want a trainer and be miserable the whole time I’m working out. I want to have fun. Go on walks, swim, dance, yoga. That’s what I want but sadly I fear that without the money for a gym membership I won’t be able to do most of these things. Still I’m determined to do so and refuse to give up.