Early this yesterday morning I was supposed to be on a plane to California to be part of a two week fitness camp. However if there’s one thing I’ve learned over the years it’s that thing almost never goes as planned. One week ago I woke up with an irritated toe. I simply wrote it off but within a few days it was clear that it was infected. I tried treating it on my own but it only continued to get worse until I was forced to go to ER instead of the airport. So now I will be having surgery on my big toe instead of spending the next two weeks in California. I was told to not wear close toed shoes which makes going to a fitness camp challenging. You can’t go on hikes and play soccer in flip flops.

I’m upset. Especially since my parents had already paid for my flight and will only receive credit instead of a cash refund. I was honestly looking forward to the trip even with the anxiety from flying but part of me is relieved because now I have no chance at failing.  And admittedly I’m a bit embarrassed. An infected toe isn’t the coolest reason to not be able to go.

However, even threw all this something has become clear. I want to change my lifestyle and I know I’ve said that before but something feels different this time. Whatever I’m doing it’s working because I’ve already lost some weight and enough to actually count. Not the two pounds that a person varies within every day but a bit more.

Because the truth is my body is not at its natural set point or weight and if I want to eventually have my open heart surgery or need to the doctors will not do it simply because of my weight. I’m trying and I guess that’s all I can do. Keep trying and don’t let anyone’s judgement beat me down.




About railynnt

This is my blog, a place where I can share my writing and journey through recovery, mental illness, and life.
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