Untitled Poem

I wanted to be happy so I swallowed the sun.

It burned its way down my throat and imploded inward,

Little did I know that what you want most can kill you,

Happiness can’t be forced.

 

I wanted to sleep so I inhaled the moon,

It froze my mind long enough for me to slumber,

I’ve never slept so well,

But I did not dream,

 

I wanted to have fun so I borrowed the stars,

They flew me all the way into the sky,

And still I felt nothing,

 

The sun had not made me happy,

The moon only offered an empty rest,

The stars I rode into the galaxy did not leave me full of joy,

 

Am I cursed to have this underline shadow follow me for the rest of my being?

Content with breathing,

But never enjoying the taste of the sun,

The smell of the moon,

Or the view from the stars?

 

This poison that infects my mind,

From a young decade to twenty-two,

Numbing my face so that I can’t know the expression I display,

 

What is life?

Will I forever be void of all emotion?

Not even to truly smile on a woman’s happiest day?

When white twirls and two souls become one,

 

I bathed in the rain,

Not so I may become clean,

But so that I might finally know what tears feel like. 

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About railynnt

This is my blog, a place where I can share my writing and journey through recovery, mental illness, and life.
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