I Didn’t Celebrate Easter

This year Easter feels different. Not because I have fallen out of love with Jesus but because I’ve fallen out of love with the church, my church specifically. For the first time in years I did not attend church on Easter Sunday. A time that is to be celebrated but I couldn’t bring myself to get out of bed this morning with the normal excitement that typically surrounds this holiday. Maybe it’s because I had only slept for a few hours or because I hate the thought of leaving my mom who just had hip replacement surgery or maybe it’s simply because my church, the one I’ve been attending for 23 years, my whole life doesn’t feel like home anymore.

I feel the underline anxiety that carry with me most strange, new places when I walk through the doors of my church now. So maybe it’s for the best that we are closing because I never thought I would be anxious at my second home. I feel as though a line has been drawn in the sand not just among me and my fellow church goers but among many Christians and the church.

Because I fail to see how you can claim to be full of nothing love but be so strongly against basic human rights: love, respect, and equality something every American has a right to. Because the bottom line is that whether the person’s lifestyle is a sin or not, their rights are protected under the Constitution.

“But Rachel, this country was founded on Christian roots. How can we go against the Bible?”

I beg to differ, how can a nation built on war, bloodshed, rape, and slavery be one of Christ? We have never been a Christian nation and if we want to become one we must drastically change our views on the world. Starting with love.

Something so many people seem to forget that I desperately hang on to is that Jesus surrounded himself with the outsiders. The prostitutes, tax collectors, fishermen, and anyone else that did not belong. He did not shame them, he loved them. He did not take away their rights or shame them. He loved them and that made them want to become better people.

I could go on and on but the bottom line is I did not celebrate Easter this year. Maybe that makes me a bad Christian or maybe it’s me just reflecting off the rest of the United States who has fallen out of love with the Jesus that people try to imagine. Not the real loving, caring Jesus but the Jesus that is being manipulated to fit onto political posters. The kind I want nothing to do with.

I still love Jesus and the amazing feat that he conquered when he rose from the dead is not lost on me but celebrating his death and my second chance at life with people who I can’t understand anymore holds no interest to me.

I’m sorry.





About railynnt

This is my blog, a place where I can share my writing and journey through recovery, mental illness, and life.
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